Poem: Walking In My Thoughts

 

An unearthed poem from 2003.

Walking in My Thoughts

It’s intriguing, when I re-read this poem, I can remember almost precisely¬†the moment¬†it came into being.

I was in Toronto, it’s springtime. No classes that day, so I decided to take a walk from Rafaella’s house to the Benjamin Boake Greenbelt a short distance away. I remember that the sky was clear, the sun teasing but the cold breezes kept me in layers of clothing. I was walking along the pavement, hands in my pocket, mulling when the words came to me. I let the words tumble around in my mind as I sat on a bench in the park, my head leaned back allowing the sun to warm me. Arriving home, I took a notepad and pencil, sat on the patio and the words flowed.

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Saviour

No dinner, no drinks,
It’s been awhile,
You worry, I don’t
I can even smile

Cos I know what I’m doing
You think something’s amiss
You wonder what it is
God, I have a long list

I’m dark, You’re not
I want to keep you, You
Which means you don’t get to see
me – thorny, cracked, blue

So, leave it awhile
Eventually I’ll come back
Just not right now
Please cut me some slack

Probably not even next week
Maybe in a month or two
Understand this though
This thing I’m doing? I’m saving You.

you are Where

you are Where I’m safe,
I put all my trust in you.

you are Where I laugh,
Beside you, my soul feels true.

you are Where I’m brave,
Disaster strikes! I know no fear.

you are Where I’m well,
The reason why I no longer shed a tear.

you are Where I’m loved,
Your affection surrounds me.

you are Where I’m me,
You see the side I don’t let others see.

you are Where I’m still,
A place to rest my head.

you are Where I sleep,
Where I can finally lay my heart to bed.

I hid my love

In anticipation of Valentine’s…a poem which I wrote when I was 19 (more than 10 years ago!). It wasn’t until I re-read my journal that I remembered who I wrote this poem for. So, now I remember…

I hid my love.
behind smiles that seem to bear no meaning,
while my eyes fill with deep feelings,
between words that mean so much more,
than they did, just a while before.
My actions-can be full of interpretations,
My gestures-no matter how subtle they be,
can reveal all that is dear to me –
the very love I hid.
When I say “Thank you”
listen not to my words alone
but also to the very tone,
because my love hides deep in my voice
giving cause for you to rejoice.
And when I let you do,
the things that you do for me,
I leave you to do them because I see,
It’s your concern you’re trying to show,
It’s through this your love shines, I know.
So, I hid my love.

Thank you

For wishing that I’ll have a happy ending
When all I wish is that tomorrow be as good as today

For letting me tell my story
When I thought I had nothing left to say

For telling me that I’ll find the right man someday
When I’m not even sure if I’ll find the right pair of shoes

For being strong on my behalf
Through all the times I felt I had only everything to lose

For assuring me that I’ll get better soon
Eventhough it still resonates, this hurt within

For letting me cry my eyes out
After all the time I had to hold it in

For reminding me that it’s alright to let go
I didn’t know I was gripping on so tight

For being a familiar comfortable presence
Thank you for knowing in your heart I’ll be alright