This post is part of the A to Z Challenge. Each post will be associated with a letter of the alphabet with the theme ‘Letters to my younger self’.
Dear 33-year-old me,
After Lei Kun gently insists that you be more proactive about your love life, instead of waiting for your knight in shining armour to find you since it’s obvious he’s lost his way (faulty GPS, possibly or weary horse), you will sign up for a matchmaking service. Don’t scoff. You’ve told yourself that this is something you’ll never do but you will. Really, you will.
As you fill in the forms, answering questions like What is your preference for hair in your future match? (you will want to answer Must have hair but the only options are bald, crew cut, medium, long, no preference) and What is your preference for body type in your future match? (you will cringe as you read your options – slim, medium, bulky, no preference), you will not be able to help but ask yourself “How did I get here?”
You will feel slightly nervous before you meet the first match the agency will arrange for you and will ask friends what you will expect. Unfortunately, no one you know has gone through what you will go through and they will not be able to prepare you.
Never fear; I am here and I’ll keep the information to a helpful minimum.
Firstly, do not agree when The Surgeon asks you if you want to see pictures of his surgeries. He’ll show you pictures of brains, you’ll be grossed out and won’t be able to enjoy your dinner. Please order the sirloin steak, he will insist on paying.
The Economist will appear tired and confused at the start of dinner. Be patient when he asks you why you have two drinks. Explain slowly that one is water, the other is a cocktail. You will need to repeat this at least twice.
Mr. Bobble Head’s head will bobble. Do. Not. Laugh. He. Will. Be. Offended.
The Drifter will want to elaborate on his love for his cat. Don’t interrupt with questions and you will survive to enjoy dessert.
Do not ask Mr. Jazz Hands what type of dance he’s learning. Unless you want the patrons of the restaurant to give you pitying looks while he demonstrates his dance moves. Yes, he will.
And there will be a 6th match but don’t worry, he will be harmless. And will also spend the rest of dinner speaking about his job. It will not be necessary for you to respond as he will be fine to carry the conversation on his own.
Hope you’ll feel better now about your upcoming dates. Enjoy yourself. And laugh!