Friends with Felicia

This post is part of the A to Z Challenge. Each post will be associated with a letter of the alphabet with the theme ‘Letters to my younger self’.

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Hello wide-eyed 18-year-old me,

During orientation next week, you’ll meet many people, future friends, who will mark your life. One of these will be an outspoken and seemingly perpetually bubbly girl named Felicia. At first, you will be quite intimidated by her directness but you will grow accustomed to it, and her many (very many) other idiosyncrasies.

She will not be like anyone you’ve ever known. She is fearless and carefree. Confidence and worldliness ooze from her pores and the boys will gravitate towards her. At that time, you’ll think that she is the you that you wish you could be.

In the first year, she will be your classmate and in the second, a roommate as well. You will share secrets, mostly yours. She will make your eyes go wide with stories of her escapades. There’ll be many moments of uproarious laughter. You will be fast friends. Almost best friends.

In that time too, you’ll discover that she is outspoken not because she believes in her point of view and insists on being heard but because she likes the attention she gets when she says something shocking. You’ll learn that the confidence she projects hides a deep insecurity. But the most important thing you’ll learn will be that you are her friend until you cease to be entertaining.

It will be one of the most difficult friendships you will have but you will strive to hold on to it because well, that’s what friends do. Eventually though, you will grow weary of holding on, only to realise that all along you were the only one doing so. She will let go of your friendship and you will not even realise it.

When you meet Felicia next week, know that she will be your friend but also know that you have a choice whether you want to be hers. And by the way, you will be amazing the way you are.

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19 thoughts on “Friends with Felicia

    • Thanks Anna. It’s strange right that some friendships start out promising then after that, everything just goes downhill and you wonder what’s the catalyst for it.

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  1. Another beautiful post! I had a friend like that as a child. I vied for her attention and her approval, and I was her best friend for a while until one day, I wasn’t. She had moved on and I was left in the dust. Those types of friendships are so harmful to our self-esteem and our self-worth. I love when you say to yourself that you will be amazing the way you are. Sometimes it takes us looking back on our life to realize that, but it is so true! No one should ever make us feel “less than” what we are –beautiful and special in the eyes of God.

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    • Hi Kristin, thank you for reading my post. Yes, I definitely felt `less than’ many times in that friendship and I truly believed that it was my fault for not meeting her expectations! At 18, it was difficult to see that it was not me, but Felicia that was at fault.

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  2. Wow… your post bought tears to my eyes. Probably because this letter could be written to me as well. I loved the way you finished it… “And by the way, you will be amazing the way you are.” I am going to hold onto that line the rest of the day!

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    • 🙂 Thank you Lucy. I think my younger self didn’t hear enough of the fact that she was pretty awesome then and so I thought that if I could give one advice to my younger self, it would be to remind her that she’s amazing. In fact, we all are, no matter at what stage we are in our life and no matter what we’re facing.

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  3. She sounds like a girl I know, the kind of girl I thought I wanted to be, until something happened that showed the not-so-bubbly side of her and at that point I found her to be annoying. Heh. We’re not that close and I still like her as a friend though.

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