P is for Plotting escape

This post is part of the A to Z Challenge. Each post will be associated with a letter of the alphabet with the theme ‘Lessons from a Wedding’.

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Looks almost like the jungle behind her parent's house. Almost.
Looks almost like the jungle behind her parent’s house. Almost.

Her father’s favourite phrase throughout her sister’s wedding preparations was “If you can’t find me, I’ve gone into the jungle.”

Although he said this at least once a day since preparations began almost 12 months ago, she hadn’t yet found the need to venture into the mosquito-infested jungle behind her parents house in search of her father.

Thank goodness. Mosquitoes are her mortal enemies.

There were many moments though when her father could’ve gone into the jungle. She would.

When the expenses for the wedding reception kept escalating to beyond the wedding reception and included her sister’s wedding dress which her sister’s fiance was supposed to buy for her but when the designer asked for payment, said fiance was out of town.

When her mother and her uncle got into a sibling dispute over where to source the chickens to make errr…grilled chickens and she ended up forcing her dad to drive her to the market where she bought chickens by the dozen and when they got back, her uncle had slaughtered his chickens…errr…also by almost the dozens. Poor innocent fowls.

When her mother went on a rant about how the church officials were officially upset that her sister didn’t have any music to play as she walked out of the church and the rant went on for the duration of 2 almost 3 cigarettes AKA one hour.

In the beginning, she assumed her father said this constantly so as to remind the females in his family that he was so over the drama they brought to the entire proceedings. But whenever her father said it, she realised that everyone stopped mid-rant and laughed and the drama would dissipate. For the moment. So, it was just her dad’s way of diffusing tension by revealing his plot to escape.

Wise.

So, when her mother told her that not only did they have to sweep and mop the entire church before the wedding ceremony because it didn’t meet her OCD-clean standards and that they’d have to go to the store first to get the cleaning agents and mops and brooms and…

She interrupted her mother’s rant and gamely used her father’s favourite phrase  “If you can’t find me, I’ve gone into the jungle.” And she gave her bestest fake smile. With teeth and all.

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