Was it when
women threw themselves at you
and you couldn’t have them?

Or when you called me
to tell me (proudly)
that you resisted,
regret lacing each uttered word?

Or when you realised that this was IT
– a possible lifetime with me
like a death sentence?

Was it when
we fought over the phone
for the hundreth time
And I hung up
without saying goodbye
and you called again
just to say fuck you?

Or was it when
you had dinner with her?
which you hid from me
because the guilt
was too much to swallow.
Pun intended.

Maybe it was when
you looked up at the night sky
hearing the waves crashing
with her beside you, holding hands?
I’m just guessing.

Or was it when to save myself
I said we should take break?
And you said no deal.


Among all those whens
and other whens unsaid,
secret whens
that you decided
that you chose
to stop loving



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